Doubting Thomas

By Nahla

As the evening sun sunk lower on the horizon, the approaching darkness of night seemed to parallel Nahla's change in mood. The euphoria of the afternoon's events was rapidly waning, and reality began to invade her dreams of possibility.

Rising from the chaise, Nahla slowly made her way back inside from the terrace. The only source of light illuminating the room came from the street lights outside, making the shadows and dark corners of the room more menacing than usual.

Seeking only the solace of her bed, she hobbled up the staircase to the loft/bedroom. After turning on the bedside table lamp, Nahla settled on the edge of the bed. Glancing up she couldn't help but stare at the reflection in the mirror.

"What am I getting myself into?" She silently wondered.

For as long as she could remember she had dreamed of someday being able to maintain a relationship for more than a few dates. Yet in all of her 26 years, life hadn't been kind enough to grant her that one wish.

Thinking of Jace, tears pricked at the back of her eyes, for what could she possibly hope to offer him? Maybe she should tell him when he called, that is if he did call, that it was all a mistake.

Growing up, Nahla had had very little interaction with the opposite sex. She'd never even had a male friend until her senior year in high school, and that was only because of a mutual girl friend. Her phone never rang on the weekends, the guys never called her just to chat.

Dating had always been extremely awkward for Nahla. It was as if she never developed the social skills necessary to maintain a relationship with a guy, friendship or otherwise. Which left her between a rock and a hard place concerning Jace.

Would he laugh in her face when he found out how little experience she had? Or would he do as others before him had done, and just ignore her completely.

Unwanted feelings of self-doubt came at her from all sides, but Nahla didn't have the strength to fight them. Curling into a fetal position on the bed, Nahla burrowed her head into the pillows.

Sleep came more quickly than expected, drawing her into the realm of hope and possibility. At least for a few hours she could let her spirit fly free, before reality came crashing in again.

*******

Upon rising a few mornings later, Nahla saw things with a clearness she had not seen a few nights before. Knowing what she must do, she showered and dressed with as much haste as her injured ankle allowed. Although she no longer used the crutches, she still had to be careful.

Arriving at Section, she made her way down to Medlab. Approaching a technician, she inquired where Jace might be found. To her dismay, she learned he had been called in early for an emergency, and had left Section some time earlier.

Figuring she might as well get in a few hours work to make up for the time she'd be absent, Nahla made her way to DRV. After what seemed like only minutes, Nahla was startled to feel a hand touch her on the shoulder.

"Nahla?" a familiar voice asked.

"Hi Jace," she replied, turning around to face him.

"Somebody said you were looking for me?" he asked, with somewhat of a puzzled look. He had planned on calling her a little later that week, not wanting to appear anxious; and so he couldn't help but be concerned when the tech had told him of her earlier visit to Medlab.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Nahla shut down her terminal and prepared to leave.

"Do you mind if we go somewhere to talk?" Nahla asked, obviously uncomfortable with the situation since she refused to make eye contact with Jace.

"What's wrong, Nahla? Why won't you look me in the eye?" Jace asked, tempted to take her chin in hand to make her look at him. Something was definitely bothering her, had she changed her mind about going out sometime?

"Please . . . not here" She whispered, glancing around to see who may be observing them.

Jace sighed. "All right, let's go. I'll follow you."

Nahla led them out of Section and into a nearby park. The nighttime air helped clear her head a little, and being out in the open gave her the opportunity to run if things came to that.

Taking a seat on a park bench, Nahla waited for Jace to take a seat next to her. Even then the distance seemed too close and Nahla involuntarily scooted a little further towards the edge of the bench. The action didn't go unnoticed by Jace.

"Ok, now what's going on?" Jace asked, concern tinting his voice.

Taking a deep breath and saying a silent prayer for courage, Nahla began telling Jace of her fear of dating and relationships. This morning is had become glaringly apparent that if there were to be any possibility of a relationship between the two of them, he had to know about her fears, and decide for himself if he was willing to help her through them.

She knew it was a lot to ask of him, especially when they knew so little of each other. But she felt she owed it to them both to air the laundry early. He didn't deserve to be led on, if she followed past experiences and ended things abruptly without giving a solid reason. Or at least it would appear that way to him.

After what seemed like hours, Nahla came to the end of her story. Waiting with baited breath, her hands clutched the edge of the bench, turning her knuckles white with their effort.

For several moments Jace didn't make any kind of movement or sound. She was glad that he hadn't interrupted her story, but the silence now was almost unbearable. Out of the corner of her eye, Nahla fearfully watched Jace rise to his feet.

"This is it, he's gonna leave." Nahla thought to herself, tears filling her eyes and threatening to spill over. Not wanting to bring attention to them and embarrass herself further, Nahla made no effort to wipe them away.

Then to her complete surprise, Jace turned and knelt in front of her. Releasing her hands from their death grip on the bench, he gathered both of them in one of his own. Taking his free hand, Jace tucked a loose tendril of hair behind Nahla's ear and then lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. The tears he saw in her eyes were almost his undoing.

Clearing his throat, Jace wasn't quite sure where to begin. How could he make her understand that her experience or lack thereof, made no difference to him. It only added to that childlike innocence that he found so endearing. Not realizing it, he had just told her exactly that

Unable to stop herself, Nahla's tears flowed freely. "But what about…?" she tried to ask him.

"Shhh…." He said, placing a finger over her lips to silence the question. "Let that be my problem, not yours. I'm in no hurry … after all, we still haven't gotten to the first date yet." He replied with a grin.

Nahla couldn't help but giggle at that remark, freeing her hands from his to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, Nahla felt the grip that fear had placed upon her heart release.

As Jace rose from his kneeling position, Nahla let out another giggle at hearing his knees crack.

"Alright Miss Gigglepuss, what do you say we get you home and prop that ankle up? You may be off the crutches, but as your doctor I still say you need to take it easy." Jace said, trying his best to keep a stern face.

"Yes, sir." Nahla replied, standing up and giving a mock salute.

Taking her hand and placing it in the crook of his arm, Jace proceeded to walk her home. As they arrived at the front door of CLHQ, Jace again played the gentleman by taking Nahla's hand and placing a kiss on its back. Then making his farewells and promising to either call or stop by later in the week, Jace turned and retreated back into the night.

Watching him go, Nahla felt a calmness she hadn't felt in a long time. Yup, life was good again.

The End